What Drove Me To Wicca
My life written below is portioned into section of years of my life.
My earliest memory - A Gun To My Head
Its like a flash, a back flash of a memory I wish I could get out of my mind. I was sitting on the floor crying with a terrible fear inside of me. My mother was holding her gun to my head. This is a bit much for a 4 year old to handle wouldn't you agree? Anyway, I had absolutely no idea why she was doing this because something inside of me snapped and I could not hear anything except a loud ringing in my ears. I was not able to move.
This is something I cannot erase from my memory, but I have come to understand that my mother had a problem and she could not control her emotions. I had to go through a process of daily forgiveness to her for what she had done and it took me years before forgiving her for this. Today I am set free from this pain.
5 Years - 19 Years - Affairs and Abusive Step-Father
My mother had affairs but one in particular with my fathers friend. She had many before this one, but this one was the final break of their marriage. I was subjected to the pain of having to choose where to stay, who should get the house, etc. But nonetheless, it did not stop there.
My stepfather was an alcoholic. He abused my mother and I emotionally and he hit my mother daily. She was so bad sometimes that she had to go to the Doctor. Guns, Knives and just about anything was involved in his rages. He threw furniture around, broke things, hit his head on the walls, blasphemed God. There were times I hid behind the stove in absolute fear. Besides being his punching bag, I also had to be his barmaid. I had to pour him and his drinking buddies their drinks. Naturally, at 9 years old, I started drinking and smoking marijuana from his little plantation outside, this was my escape from reality. He tried to strangle me on one occassion and I tried to kill him in his sleep.
I don't see my stepfather today. I do forgive him for what he did and I have set him free which has in turn set me free. Honestly, I do really care about him and wonder how he is. But I have chosen to stay away for the reason that when I did try to reconcile with him, he once again subjected me to his abuse. I ran away from home, started taking drugs, drinking alcohol, partying hard at clubs and house parties.
9 Years - 12 Years - Sexual Abuse from Family & Friends
I was sexually abused by family members and family friends. During this time, alcohol filled the place, partying took place and I had no-one to protect me. My innocence was taken away.
13 Years-15 Years - Raped By A School Teacher
Being raped by someone you trust completely with your life kills a big part inside of a person. After he raped me, I turned to excessiveness on the sexual side. Yes, on the other hand, I did not trust men anymore. In fact, I despised them and believe that every man I came into contact with wanted to use me and that sex was the only way I could find acceptance. Kinda twisted, but thats how it was. My respect for authority went out the window because he was my authority figure, my teacher at school.
My privacy was violated and I felt really dirty and horrible and this affected my entire future. I started to lose my identity at this stage and fell into a deep black hole, an empty one, small and caged in.
I have accepted that this has happened for a reason and I am able to understand another persons pain in this area. Alot of prayer was needed in this area but the journey to full restoration will be a life long journey. One thing to be noted is that every day it gets better, it started getting better for me when I asked Jesus to be Lord of my life.
13 Years - Seizures
I started to develop seizures. These were not Grandmal seizures, but what is calledl psychic seizures. They are temporal lobe siezures which affect the five senses and included de-realization meaning that I physically felt like I was not of this planet. These I still have today but they are under control.
15-26Years - Drugs, Alcohol, Partying, Wicca, Marriage
This was a time of drinking, drugs, partying and messing around. During this time I made a satanic pact by drinking our mixed blood with two other friends of mine. But this did not last long as we went our separate ways at age 16. I decided to find a way to kill my step-father without being found, so I searched on the web. I came across wicca, witchcraft, satanism, druidism, and more. But decided to go with wicca because it seemed to be okay and I did not have to be involved in satanic stuff. All I wanted was the knowledge of magic and how to kill someone. I started with spellcasting "good spells". This carried on throughout the years and eventually I started casting my own spells, performing my own rituals and it became part of my life. I never forgot about my step-father, but wanted to be sure I was "powerful" enough. My mother was involved in witchcraft and a witch was living with us on the property in her own place.
I got married, had two children and continued with wicca. My husband at that time, started having affairs. He started drinking and got physically violent. Both of us got involved in pornography but only when both were present. We took drugs together, even when I was pregnant with both my children. By the GRACE AND MERCY of God they are 100% perfect. One night at 03:00, I found him on the internet doing things behind my back with other woman. He threatened to divorce me 6 times and everytime I would literally grovel at his feet not to leave me. When he got physical with me, I divorced him.
22 Years - 26 Years - Inside The Coven
I joined a coven because I felt I needed more. I was not sure of what more it was that I needed, but I had a very strong desire to join. I was a member of the coven for many years. This is where my identity was changed, I was deceived by those who said they love me, I was hurt by a married man 28 years my senior that I was having an affair with. He was married, I was divorced. This man was part of this coven and we often got together at my place and continued with out own rituals which always involved sex. More about what happens in a coven on next page.
26 Year- Present
Jesus came to save my life. He took me out of the dark hole and lifted me into the Light. Suddenly I could see and what I saw was the Truth. Since that happened, my life has changed to a life I never imagined or could have possibly imagined. There are times that I feel guilty that I have so much restoration but it is something He promised in His Word and He kept His promise, like He always does.
My entire life is being restored and Jesus has restored so much of it already. I am happily married with the most caring, loving and supporting man. All my family relationships have been restored and my life is filled with positivity and life. Jesus is now Lord of my life, this is what turned my life and saved me from imminent death.
